All Pooped Out

Oy. What a week. It's been a crap-tacular one.

WARNING: What follows is graphic in nature. Read at your own risk. This is what happens to you when you become a mom -- nothing (and I mean NOTHING) bothers you anymore, and suddenly talking -- and, apparently, writing -- about all sorts of bodily functions is completely normal.

It all started when Joe got out of dodge on Monday morning (first NYC, then San Francisco on Thursday night and Friday, then Reno for a depo on Saturday). Not that he did so by choice, but boy did he miss the fun this week!

It all seemed fine when we left to meet Aunt Elissa and Davia at an indoor mall with a playground, since we were rained out of our zoo excursion. I think it was the calm before the storm. First, Makela was hardly interested in the playground, asking to go to the bathroom almost immediately. So we went into Penney's right next to the playground and found the ladies room -- on the EXACT opposite end of the store, of course. No luck -- Makela completely freaked out on the potty, saying "My hiney hurts!" The only thing I could figure was that she was constipated, especially once I realized it had been nearly two days since her last poop.

Okay. No big deal, right? Well, lest you think that Makela is always sunshine and roses, read on. She did okay during most of lunch, but she only picked at her pasta, which is normally one of her absolute favorite meals. But then she started to melt down and wouldn't listen, and after a couple of warnings, I told her she couldn't go on the carousel (another mall perk). So Davia and Aunt Elissa went off to ride, while we went into some kid-friendly stores. After that, it went from bad to worse.

It was time for all of us to leave, but Makela wouldn't get in her stroller, and she wouldn't stay with me. She fell down on the mall floor and started to throw a fit. So I picked her up, plopped her into the stroller, and when she refused to sit down and practically fell through the front under the stroller bar, I buckled her in with the seatbelt. Well, that just set her off ROYALLY. Makela proceeded to scream -- a bloodcurdling, hoarse, how-dare-you-do-this-to-me-you-evil-Mommy-scream -- "I don't want to be buckled!!! I don't want to be buckled!!!" Over and over it went. All through the mall, while other mommies looked on with a knowing "Oh dear God, I've SO been there" smile on their faces; older women gave me the "Oh thank God, I SO don't miss that" look on their faces; and a few people looked at me like I had one pissed-off demon spawn riding in my stroller. Oh, and there was one group of young parents with the dad carrying an infant, and he just looked plain impressed with Makela's dramatics, saying "Damn! Look at her GO!" to his companions as we passed.

I don't remember much of the rest of the day after that. Honestly, I think I might be blocking it. But after much gnashing of teeth and drama and angst, Makela finally pooped at 9:33 pm that night. In the potty, no less. Sweet relief, right?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.

So fast forward to Tuesday night. Makela had been saying, "My hiney hurts!" off and on all day. I figured she was just sore from the previous night's pooping of what might as well have been a rock. But by about 7:30 pm, it was clear that it had gotten much worse. And once she started saying that her lower back hurt, I realized that she hadn't peed since about 9 am. After talking to the after-hours advice nurse, it was time to go the ER. I called Gram to come along for moral support, and off we went.

I'll make this part of the story short. We spent about 3.5 hours at Children's Hospital, complete with catheter insertion for a urine test, x-ray of Makela's belly, and follow-up enema. NOT pretty and NOT fun. But it was necessary to determine that she indeed had a mild urinary tract infection and her bowels were blocked -- and thus needed UNblocking.

We spent all day Wednesday and most of Thursday resting on the couch. I think Makela watched more TV this week than she has in all her life.

Today dawned clear and bright, and Makela was in a sunny mood to match. And then suddenly we went from very little poop to entirely too much. The pipes are clean, and they were flowing freely today.

We went over to her friend Genevieve's house for a playdate, and she had two normal poops. Slightly unusual that they were earlier in the day than her norm and only about 30 minutes apart, but no big deal. We had a great time playing -- Makela found a Santa hat, put it and Genevieve's pink back pack on, and declared herself "Makela Santa." She even delivered presents to Kristen and me, telling us "Don't open dem til Kih-mus." Then we went home, ate a bit of lunch, and it was time for quiet time.

About an hour into quiet time, Makela came to her bedroom door and declared that she had a poopy diaper. (Mind you, she's been in pull-ups since this whole bowel saga started.) Well, that was an understatement. I zipped down her "facesuit," as she calls it (her "spacesuit" jammies are the one-piece kind with feet), to find poop oozing out of the left side of her pull-up and smeared down her leg and underneath her bottom. I hadn't seen anything like this since she was a baby! It took about half a Costco slab of wipes and one nasty trip to the laundry room, but I got her clean and into a new "spacesuit" and back into bed.

You'd think my tale would end there. But, alas, no.

After quiet time, a trip to Whole Foods, one more viewing of the "Doctor Daisy, MD" episode of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse," a dinner of macaroni & cheese and apple slices, and finally toy parade, it was time for a nice bath. So in she went, happily starting to play with her Bathtime Elmo and Bathtime Baby. Makela has recently taken to pulling the shower door closed -- it's the kind that slides back and forth. She told me she was "hanging Kih-mus lights and putting up a Kih-mus tree" with her tub crayons, as she drew on the walls and shower doors. Suddenly I heard her yell, "My hiney hurts!" Followed closely by, "There's poop floating in the tub!"

The music from "Psycho" now blares briefly in my brain. NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!

How can this be? We made it through an entire infancy without this sort of incident. But there it was, and I couldn't ignore it. Makela had pooped in the bathtub.

I started scooping toys out (not that many tonight, thank goodness) and drained the tub. From there, once the shrapnel was all washed away, I ran more warm water and scrubbed down my little girl. The towels and washcloths are currently in their second run through the washing machine, and the tub is soaking with lots of water and bleach.

So here's to a poop-free, quiet, solid night of restful sleep. And here's to Joe coming home. SOON. Please. Mommy is all pooped out.

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Okay, so this is from yesterday morning. But it's cute, and it involves the question of the day.

I was getting a muffin for Makela's breakfast, and as she watched me, she noticed something about them. "Muffins match my cupcakes!"

I agreed with her, saying that both muffins and cupcakes are made using muffin tins. Of course Makela's next thought was a question: "Why is it called a muffin tin?"

My answer: "Because the person who invented the muffin tin decided to call it that. When someone invents something, it means they make it for the first time."

"Oh," she said. "Who made that muffin tin?"

Now how am I supposed to answer this one? There really is only one answer for her: "The Muffin Man, Makela."

What's Your Name?

We made more friends at the zoo today. Or at least we saw some old friends, but now we know their names, since Makela is obsessed with knowing what to call all creatures great and small.

We now know that the alpha male orangutan (identifiable by his big, round cheeks) is named Clyde. He has a VERY playful adult male offspring, named Satu -- meaning "first born" (not sure of the language -- Swahili perhaps?). He is father to Chinta, only four years old and still very small. Satu and Chinta play all day long, except for when Chinta goes inside and the siamangs come out into the enclosure -- then Satu plays with THEM. We also saw Indah, Chinta's mother, and she mostly just hangs out in a tree or a hammock all day, only coming down when Chinta "screams bloody murder," as the zoo employee told us. And the elderly female of the bunch is Janie -- she is about 46 years old and was born in the wild. She used to get out and walk around the zoo, mingling with visitors, but the enclosure remodel and her age now prohibits this.

Today was also a good day in the petting paddock. Makela actually ASKED one of the goats his name. Seriously -- she walked up to him and looked him in the eye, saying "What your name?" I had to tell her that he speaks goat, and not our language, so that's why he couldn't answer her. But the zookeeper kindly introduced us, and thus we met Firecracker, one of the goats, and discovered the rabbits' names: Darth Vader (black -- go figure), Luke, and Leia. Makela also tried showing another goat how to play with a ball attached to a chain, after he scratched his face on it. Not sure that he was all that interested.

Makela was also thrilled with her "treat" that she earned for sleeping through the night. She wanted a chocolate ice cream cone, specifically from the zoo, so that's why we went in the first place. She enjoyed every lick AND the sugar cone! Along with her hot dog, few potato chips, and animal cookies, it made for a super healthy lunch today! Okay, not really. But a kid's gotta live once in a while, no? Plus, she chowed down on some "California Cuties" in the morning (the clementines that are so popular here right now), along with a whole bunch of blueberries later in the day. It all balances out, right?

Chickens & Stars

Aaaaaahhhh. I love it when Makela gets enough sleep. Our new sleep chart is working -- not 100%, but she is sleeping SOOOO much better now. Which of course means that Mommy is sleeping better, too.

Can't say the same for Daddy, who is working like a dog these last few weeks. He *might* be averaging about four hours of sleep per night, and that's probably a generous estimate. He's been rolling in around 2:00 a.m. most days, and last Thursday he pulled an all-nighter. But at least he can sleep when he IS home.

So Makela's birthday party was yesterday, and it was a lot of fun. She was exhausted last night, and she slept for 12 hours straight -- 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Yippee! And when she woke up this morning, she was happy as could be, and she stayed that way almost all day. In fact, I found myself laughing at or with her most of the day.

It started with our conversation over breakfast. Makela started talking about her friend Alice, who she plays with and who works at the library. I had absolutely NO idea who she was talking about, thinking "Huh? Did I miss something while I was hunting down those 'No David' and 'Charlie and Lola' books?" The only people we've talked to at the library are the two older men at the front desk, one of whom resembles a gnome.

Then it occurred to me who this might be. I asked Makela if this was her imaginary friend, and she told me "Yes." Later in the day, I learned that Alice wears a pink dress, has brown hair, and was going to be moving in with us tonight after she finished working at the library. Then plans changed -- as of bathtime, Alice was still not here, as she had decided to live at the library instead.

Last week, we first learned of imaginary chickens living in Makela's bed. Joe and I decided that those chickens probably explain her disturbed sleep -- it's hard not to wake up with all that clucking and pecking going on around you!

How did we learn of said chickens, you say? Well, Gram and I were headed home with Makela in the back seat last Thursday evening, and all of a sudden Makela starts talking about how she has chickens at home. I asked where they were hiding, and she said, "In my bed!" And then she told us, "I got them at a store called Babies & Big Girls R Us!" This struck me as pretty funny, since we'd only just visited Babies R Us that morning, shopping for a baby shower gift.

Back to today's antics. At playgroup this morning, which was held at one of our favorite parks (aka "Dinosaur Park"), Makela wanted Miss Kristen to push her (and of course Genevieve wanted me to push her -- monkey see, monkey do). She was chatting away, telling Kristen ALL about her new friend Alice. It was just a gush of words -- I'm not sure she took a breath for several minutes. I looked at Kristen, then looked at Makela and said with a grin, "Do you ever stop talking?" Makela got a coy look on her face, then said while giggling, "Noooooooo." Then she added, while looking up at Kristen, "I never stop moving. And I never stop talking. And I wear Mommy out." That last part is from her book "Olivia" -- about a little pig who reminds me WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY too much of Miss Makela!

There were also lots of questions today, as always. One of the first ones that stands out in my mind was asked on the way home from playgroup.

Lately, Makela has been fascinated with babies and why they are small, why they can't walk, why they are born, etc. We've explained that babies grow in mommies' tummies before they are born. I forget how the conversation started today, but from the back of the car I heard, as we were rounding the corner at Genesee Avenue, "Why do babies have to be in mommies' tummies?" I compared human babies to baby birds: "Babies start out VERY small. They need protection at first while they grow, so they have to stay in their mommies' tummies until they are strong enough to live on their own. Just like baby chickens. Baby chickens have to live in eggs until they are strong enough to hatch."

I think she got it -- she then said, "And like baby ducks." I agreed, reminding her that all birds hatch from eggs. I asked her if she could name other kinds of birds, and she rattled off geese and seagulls and something else I think.

Honestly, is it my imagination or are these sort of questions coming a bit early? I was thinking we'd have to answer these in another couple of years, at least!

The other questions that I loved from today were MUCH easier to handle. Granted, they involved some astronomy and physics lessons, but hey -- I'll take that over the birds and the bees!

We were on our way home from Costco around 5:30, and Makela spotted something, saying "What's that up in the sky?" I realized what she was pointing to and told her I thought it was an airplane. "No, that's a star, Mommy." I explained that it was moving very quickly and was super bright, so it probably was not a star. Makela paused and asked, "Why are there stars?" After THAT explanation, she had still more questions for me: "Where are the stars? I can't see them. Why can't I see stars now?" After all, the sun had gone down -- where were they? Of course it wasn't quite dark enough, with the sky still relatively light, so I offered to show her the stars once we got home. She ended up not wanting to see them after we unloaded our cold groceries, since it meant having to abandon all her new birthday toys. But Mommy was game!

Desperately Seeking Solid Sleep

Another day, another sleep-deprived mom and kiddo. Makela has NOT been sleeping well since we got back from our trip back east at the end of November. At first we chalked it up to her being out of routine, on a different time zone, blah, blah, blah. And it did get better for a week or two. But the last couple of weeks have been rough again. It might be because she's using the potty now, and that's a HUGE change for any little kid. However, it's time to put the excuses aside, because we are all SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO freakin' tired!

Of course, Joe is also worn out, but for reasons that are (mostly) work related. He has a trial starting on Feb. 20, one which "only" has about $1.6 billion on the line. Yes, you read that right -- BILLION. So he's home this week, but working around the clock, and he starts traveling again nearly non-stop until the trial starts. Needless to say, it would be nice if he could get some rest when he IS home.

Anyway, so we opened our trusty copy of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and read the chapter on preschoolers. Sure enough, it gave us some ideas.

I put together a "sleep chart" for Makela during her quiet time today, and Joe came home for a bit before bedtime so that we could both talk to Makela about some new "sleep rules." So we told her she has to stay in her bed and not leave her room after we tuck her in at night and at quiet time. If she wakes up, she is NOT supposed to come and get us or cry and scream until we go into her room (except in an emergency, of course, although I'm not sure that Makela understands that concept yet). Should she come out of her room, we are going to put her back in her bed without talking. Joe and I explained that talking makes her wake up more, so the less we talk and the faster we get her back in bed, the easier she will fall back asleep.

Makela and I also bought a new alarm clock at Target today (she picked it out -- it's purple, with Dora and Boots sitting on top), so we explained that the clock has to say "7:00" before she can come get us in the morning. If Makela stays in her room ALL night, until 7:00 am, she will get a sticker to put on her chart. And, each time she gets five stickers, she will earn a special treat from Mommy's "stash." If Makela can sleep completely through the night without waking up at all (not likely at this point), she will earn a BIG sticker to put on her chart and a special treat right away.

Makela seemed to understand all of this and got really excited about the stickers and the chart. We put it up on the back of her door, so that she can see it when she's in her bed. She also loves her new alarm clock. She told us that she's going to "sleep ALL through the night."

We shall see, of course. But it's a start. We are hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst -- at least for the next few nights. And of course you are all waiting with baited breath....

On another note, today was full of smaller questions. Mostly just me answering a question that Makela's already asked, followed by "why?" and then another answer, then "why?" and so on. Here's a sample dialogue from our late afternoon trip to Target, which started as we returned to the car:

Makela: "Why are those lights on?"
Mommy: "Because it's getting dark outside."
Makela: "Why?"
Mommy: "Because the sun is getting ready to set."
Makela: "Why?"
Mommy: "Remember Mommy explaining to you how the sunset works? The sun is setting because the earth turns around every day, and so now the sun is disappearing below the horizon."
Mommy: "Okay. I remember."

***Several minutes pass now, and we are on the freeway headed home, when Makela looks out her window to the west.***

Makela: "What's that blue stuff over there -- in the sky?"
Mommy (after a minute or so trying to figure out what she's talking about): "That's a little bit of light left from the sunset."
Makela: "Why?"
Mommy: "Because the sun is so bright and strong, it takes a while for the light to completely disappear after the sun goes down."
Makela: "Oh. [PAUSE] It's a good thing the lights are on, Mommy."

At least it SOUNDS like she's getting it....

Go, Zamboni, Go!

Okay, I'm tired. Makela has not been sleeping well the past few nights, and with Joe out of town as well, it's made for some serious lack of sleep.

So I'll keep this short. Makela's big question today was, "Why do I have teeth?" Again, over a meal, but at least it was lunch this time, so I wasn't completely pooped!

She also enjoyed watching the zamboni do its thing on the ice rink during lunch. (Yes, we have an indoor ice rink in San Diego -- I know what some of you are thinking!) After clarifying how to say "zamboni," she kept chanting, "Go, zamboni, go!"

One other cute thing today. As I was saying goodnight after snuggling, Makela looked up at me and asked in her sweetest voice, "Will you stay with me forever and ever?" Yeesh. Can this kid work me, or what???

Belly Laughs at Bedtime

For the second time in about a week, Makela fell into a fit of hysterical giggles at bedtime. This is AFTER we read stories and climbed into bed to snuggle, and not just any minor little snickering. I'm talking full-on BELLY LAUGHS, complete with snorts (she got that one from her mommy).

I can't remember what set off the giggles last week, but tonight it was Makela asking to share my pillow once I settled in for our nightly snuggle. After I agreed and shoved the Elmo pillow over, she smiled and said, "I love sharing people's pillows, 'cause it's SO fun!" I gave a little chuckle, saying "I know honey," and then she just lost it. Needless to say, it didn't take long for Mommy to join in the belly laughs, either....

After I left Makela to read herself to sleep, about five minutes passed. Then she was at her door, telling me she needed to "go pee." Well, who am I to turn this down? We're on DAY #5 of big girl underpants!!! So we went into the bathroom, she did her thing ("something happening," as Makela likes to say), and as she started to wash her hands, she proclaimed with a HUGE smile on her face: "I'm pretty silly. And goofy." I started laughing again, and of course the giggles struck her again -- this time in front of the mirror, which was just too hilarious for her to handle. I thought Makela was going to fall off her stepstool, she was laughing so hard.

And now for the question of the day, which Makela asked at dinner: "Why do we have to eat?" Opting for the purely scientific reason over an existential discussion, I explained that all animals and people need to eat so that we have energy to live. For some reason, Makela then said, "Just like Aunt Lydia. And Josh." OH-KAAAAAAY.